Dragon Quest

Dear Princess Luna...

I'm guessing it's another Spike focused episode. I'm kind of surprised. I suppose I don't really know what they were focusing on in Season 1 at all, perhaps they neglected any character development for Spike so they tried to make up for it with 2 (at least) Spike episodes in Season 2.

You're digging a ditch, you son of a bitch, you're in the army now!

Applejack and Pinkie Pie are digging a hole out in a field. Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle are trying to convince Fluttershy to go watch the 'Great Dragon Migration' that only happens once a generation. Fluttershy thinks dragons are too scary, yet doesn't mind being around Spike. This episode is also after Secret of My Excess as well, so Fluttershy should know that Spike has the potential to be this rampaging glutton. Perhaps she is calmed by the fact Twilight doesn't hesitate to beat the hell out of Spike when he gets out of line.

Not only was there a rear shot of them before this, we also get this, a full on crotch shot of Fluttershy..

Rainbow tries to argue that because she watched the 'boring' butterfly migration with Fluttershy, Fluttershy needs to come watch dragons with her.

"You thought I did this just to spend time with you? Yeah right!"

Fluttershy is not pleased and freaks the hell out. She lets loose a banshee wail, charges Rainbow, and stomps on her chest.

"What the hell Fluttershy, you owe me!"

"Okay, okay, you don't have to come, damn!"

As if physically assaulting her best friend isn't enough, Fluttershy then leaps through a god damned window, although instead of just berserker charging through, she stops to gently open it, probably because she was in her own house. She then runs off towards the woods.

Rainbow, wisely decides that Fluttershy can be 'let off the hook this time.' This pretty much confirms what I've been saying about Fluttershy though, she is one deeply disturbed little pony.

Back in the field. Applejack's and Pinkie Pie's hole was actually a trench they dug to watch the dragons. Also, more evidence for the 'there's some war-torn past/present in the Ponyverse' the ponies are all wearing M1 style helmets with netting, and woodland camouflage. Hmm, in Granny Smith's flashback, she was also wearing a M1 style helmet, so that should mean the Ponyverse version of WW II had already happened sometime before the era in the flashback. Current time may be after the Ponyverse version of the Vietnam conflict. We can also presume that there are Ponyverse Army/Navy surplus stores that they bought this stuff from, since Rarity shows up not wearing any (and she's usually the one that makes all their clothing.)

I think there may be something to this whole war thing, for one, we have yet to see Rainbow's or Fluttershy's dad or mom, and the pegasi are the militaristic tribe. There's also tons of female ponies compared to males, unless males are drawn looking very feminine (they generally aren't) it would make sense that a large amount of the male populace was drafted/volunteered and died in Vietmane.

"I came all the way out here to see dragons, why are there no god damned dragons?"

"What's the time? Nine? Fall in line! Alright, gals, let's take it slow. Are you ready?" "Steady!" "Very good, Pinkie. Over the top, let's go! Quiet, lie it, else you'll start a riot, keep your proper distance, follow 'long. Cover, Dashie, and when you see me hover, obey my orders and you won't go wrong!" "There's a Minenwerfer coming!" "Look out!" "Hear that roar! There's one more!" "Stand fast! There's a Very light!" "Don't gasp or they'll find you all right! Don't start a'bombin' with those hand grenades.." "There's a machine gun! Holy spades!" "Alert, gas!" "Put on your mask, adjust it correctly and hurry up fast!" "Drop!" "There's a rocket from the Boche barrage!" "Down, hug the ground, close as you can, don't stand! Creep and crawl, follow me, that's all. What do you hear?" "Nothing near!" "Don't fear, all is clear!" "That's the life of stroll when you take a patrol out in No Man's Land!" "Ain't it grand?" "Out in No Man's Land!"

Rarity shows up in an elaborate gown, and rolls out a red carpet to enter the trench. It explodes in a burst of confetti when it fully rolls out for some reason. Twilight uses magic to 'poof' away the confetti and carpet.

I'm not sure if she teleported it somewhere, make it invisible, or disintegrated it, but: hell yeah, magic.

The dragons finally arrive, a massive swarm of adult dragons. Rainbow starts talking trash as one does a trick, then another breathes fire into the trench.

What's going on, is this the 'beat the hell out of Rainbow' episode?

Spike shows up in a frilly pink apron delivering baked goods, and tries to talk about how badass dragons are. Now, Spike has been the laughingstock of the 'Mane 6' for the majority of the episodes he plays a large role in. They all start laughing and mocking him, Rarity acts like he's one of those little dogs women carry around in purses. Twilight helpfully adds that Spike doesn't 'act' like a dragon, probably because she beats the living daylights out of him if he tries. Especially after the Secret of my Excess incident. Spike can't even rage-storm off without Rarity remarking about his 'waddle.'

Well, Spike, on the plus side you're getting physical affection from the object of your lust.

That night, Spike has apparently been freaking out, not understanding how he can be a dragon and yet not be a dragon.

I guess Spike is suicidal, as we all know Twilight wouldn't hesitate to beat the hell out of him, and provoking her by keeping her up all night is not such a good idea.

Twilight tells him she doesn't know anything, and that she just got him as an egg as a gift. So, yeah, I guess I was right and he pretty much is meant to be a slave. Twilight decides to try and shut him up by going through her books to find info on dragons. She goes through them all and finds nothing.

Rainbow and Rarity come in to invite Twilight to breakfast. Spike says he wants to 'find out what it means to be a dragon' and he wants to join the migration. Hold on a second, didn't he know what being a dragon was when, oh I don't know, on his birthday he grew into an adult dragon and started terrorizing and stealing everything in sight?

Rarity and Rainbow think that is a really bad idea, but Spike has his mind set. Rarity really cares about him for some reason, and begs Rainbow to do something. Rainbow tries to take his hobo stick away from him, and Twilight Worth teleports into action. She uses her teleport power to slam Rainbow and Spike into the ground, then gives him back his hobo stick. She thinks it is a good idea for him to go on this 'quest' just because she didn't have any books on dragons. We know there's some big, badass library at Canterlot though, with all sorts of crazy stuff like time travel and time stopping spells. I'm pretty sure they have stuff on dragons there.

Twilight glares back at her friends while explaining why she wants Spike to go, as if asking, "Anyone else want some?!?" Rainbow says she still thinks Spike is 'nutty' for doing it, but that she's done lots of 'nutty things' and Twilight, Rarity, and Spike all respond with 'We know.'

Rainbow has a reputation for doing dumbass things apparently.

They wish Spike farewell, but have so little faith in Spike that they plan on following him to make sure he doesn't have a 'Rainbow moment' or whatever calamity they think will happen.

Spike follows the migration on foot, hitching a ride on a sheep and on a raft with a mule, Hoofleberry Finn or something to that effect by the look of it. He finally arrives at the migration destination, with a fake beard for some reason, an area filled with volcanoes. Spike sees a group of teenage dragons and decides to hang out with them instead of trying to find an adult dragon, which surely would know more about being a dragon than teenagers.

Also, possibly confirming that war/darker aspects stuff, most of the adult dragons look pretty battle-worn, with holes in their wings.

Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow arrive shortly after Spike. Rarity has made a dragon costume she thinks will fool them.

"Well Twilight, if we get caught and killed, I blame you for not stocking your library with dragon books."

Spike introduces himself to the teenage dragons, and they start mocking him for his size and that he just hatched. Yeah, dragons are real nice, insulting a baby. Spike decides trying to play it off like he's a wingless midget is a better way to go, and tells them they've never seen him since he lives in Ponyville. The dragons start laughing even more, apparently to them, ponies are a joke like what mules are for ponies. Dragons are pretty badass and all, but an army of Unicorns backed up with Pegasi and Earth ponies would probably be a force to reckon with.

Rarity somehow was right, and at least one of the dragons thinks they are a real dragon, ironically while laughing about 'ponies in a dragon costume.'

The dragons tell Spike to prove it, and they then have a belching contest. Hmm, what does Spike do as his official duty? Scroll belches. What happens? You guessed it, he belches up a scroll. The 'leader' dragon reads it, then they all start laughing about how Spike is 'penpals with a namby-pamby pony princess.' The writers really like that phrase, since Diamond Tiara kept ranting about the namby-pamby newspaper, and the previous editor was in fact a pony named Namby Pamby.

The dragon crumples the letter and tosses it into lava. Twilight starts raging and slams her head into Rainbow's face. The 'beat the hell out of Rainbow' episode continues.

Twilight wasn't even angry at Rainbow, she just did it for the hell of it.

The dragons then challenge Spike to a tail wrestling contest. Spike at least has Rainbow level strength, since he was able to struggle against her over the hobo stick earlier. Twilight and co. know he'll get thrashed by the teenage dragons though, and challenge him themselves. The lead dragon asks, "Who is that weirdo?" and is told "I think it's Crackle's cousin." We then see a real dragon that looks just like the costume. So maybe Twilight did have dragon books afterall, or they went to Canterlot first, or Rarity just got lucky as all hell.

So, not only is mental retardation found amongst ponies, it affects dragons as well.

Spike struggles against the costume and Rarity and Rainbow have to just flop down to the ground so he could win. Spike is feeling good and stupidly boasts "Who's next!?" He is challenged by some freak dragon with a small body and a humongous tail, he of course loses and is hurtled against a cliff. So these dragons obviously have to know Spike is a hatchling just trying to be like the big boys. The next contest is King of the Hoard and the leader dragon is hitting Spike more than Twilight does.

"YES! I SMASHED A HATCHLING!"

Crackle's cousin saves Spike by ramming another dragon off, and Spike technically won King of the Hoard as he knocked leader and leader opponent off the hoard. As Spike was yelling about his victory, he slipped and fell off the hoard again. The leader dragon says Spike failed, and can't wait to see him fail at lava cannonballs.

The challenge is to make the biggest lava splash, so of course the big fat dragon won. Spike is pretty much making a major life affirming decision here. If he is really a dragon, the lava won't matter. If he isn't, well...

He dives off and belly flops onto the lava. The leader dragon declares him for sure a non-pony, since, well, a pony would be dead right now. They then have some crazy ritual where one dragon blows a 'trumpet' with his nose and the others stick their tails up like crossed swords for Spike to walk under. The leader dragon uses his tail again like a sword to dub Spike a rookie dragon. I'm guessing this is just a bunch of BS from this one group of friends since the winner of the lava cannonball was to be the 'ultimate dragon' (and surely adult dragons would win since they are even bigger than the biggest teenager there) but it makes Spike happy. On the other hand, all the teenage dragons did line up in the tail-sword corridor so maybe it is an actual dragon thing.

They party 'dragon style' which apparently means gorging yourselves on gems. Spike is feeling glad to be accepted for once and the leader dragon tells him to stick around. Spike says he feels like he could stay there forever, based off the way he feels right now, and the ponies freak out.

"But why Spike?! Don't you like serving us, being beaten, having us all laugh at you (not with you), and being treated like a purse dog?"

The ponies are freaking out about it. Um, once again, does no one remember Secret of My Excess, where Spike became, you know, a 'real' dragon and was on a rampage? I'm positive that episode came first, let me double check. Yes, Dragon Quest, Season 2, Episode 21. Secret of My Excess, Season 2, Episode 10.

Rainbow blames herself, even though it was Twilight Worth that caused it. At least Twilight admits it was her doing.

The dragons plan a 'real dragon raid' for Spike. Apparently the Ponyverse has Phoenix in it, which is pretty badass. The dragons plan to raid a phoenix nest and steal the eggs. Spike doesn't think this is a good idea. For some reason the ponies freak out that the dragons 'took Spike' and Rainbow tries to fly. The costume is too heavy and she almost drags them into a lava pool. They follow on foot.

Usually when you think 'phoenix' you picture something ablaze, but they still look pretty badass.

The leader dragon tells Spike it's his duty as the rookie dragon to lure away the phoenix parents. Spike tries to do so by telling them he wants to talk to them. The leader hands him a rock instead and he hurls it into the nest and hits one on the head.

Alright, there we go! Hmm, if dragons can bathe in lava, would these even be able to do anything? I guess they have beaks and talons though, but their primary attack is probably useless.

The teenager dragons fly up to get the eggs but find they have already hatched. The leader wants to take the hatchlings instead, to eat I guess? He gets made a fool of by the small and agile phoenix hatchlings, which can fly already. The parents hear their babies' cries and stop chasing Spike. The hatchlings are flying away from the dragons, a phoenix streaks by in a giant ball of flames. It looks like I was right as this fireball just leaves scorch marks on the dragon and doesn't seem to have done anything. They get their kids but that just further enrages dragon leader. The dragons keep pursuing them until one phoenix has had enough and activates a supernova attack that blinds the dragons and makes them crash.

Rainbow smashed through a tree, dragons are smashing through a tree... everyone's smashing through trees around here!

One egg was unhatched and fell out of the nest, which was destroyed by dragon leader in his rage earlier. Spike finds it, and the dragons are impressed he 'stole' it. They then tell him to just smash the egg. So phoenix, for the most part, can't do anything to dragons, yet dragons, or this group anyway, really seems to hate them, so much so that they want Spike to murder an unborn thing.

Spike overcomes the peer pressure and says no. Dragon leader has issues, and starts advancing with hostile intent on Spike. Spike backs into Crackle's cousin, which throws off the costume and they come our raring to go, for whatever reason prepared for fisticuffs.

Rainbow, sure, but Rarity and especially Twilight? You're unicorns, you're magic, disintegrate these fools or teleport away if you don't want blood on your hooves.

The dragons burst out laughing at the ponies' bravado. Spike talks some trash to dragon leader, telling him he'll 'see what us ponies do' to groups of  jerky dragons. I'm pretty sure the ponies were ready to fight to the death, especially Rarity, but apparently 'what ponies do' is run away in terror.

"Super run away!"

The dragons take flight and pursue them, Twilight finally remembers she is a unicorn and tries to teleport them. The first attempt fails, then she succeeds. The dragons end up in a tree again.

Spike thanks them, and Twilight says 'that's what friends are for.' Spike responds by saying they are more than friends, they're his family, and Rarity squeals with joy.

Aww.

Back home, Spike writes to Princess Celestia, telling her that he learned that even though he's a dragon, that doesn't mean he has to act like a dragon. We know from Secret of My Excess that he has the true dragon nature lurking within. Living a namby-pamby Ponyville life or not, all it takes is for him to get greedy (apparently gluttony doesn't count) and BAM! he'll be another town-terrorizing full-grown dragon.

The camera scrolls past Spike's photo collection. One of him hatching next to filly Twilight, one of him and Twilight in Nightmare Night costumes (updated!), him, Rainbow, and Twilight drinking cider, and then a super-depressing group shot of the ponies with a picture of him placed into the frame, ripped out from some other source. So, we just saw that he hatched when Twilight was a filly, and that she had no friends until she was exiled to Ponyville, so why wasn't Spike actually in this group shot? I guess he could have been the photographer, but still. Just make a unicorn use magic to activate the camera.

Soon, Spike will start collecting photos of Rarity and putting himself into them, if he hasn't already.

The phoenix egg hatches, and Spike welcomes him to the 'family' and says he has 'plenty to teach you about being a pony.' Hold on, so not only did Spike just steal this egg, he plans on raising a god damn phoenix to be a 'pony.' I mean, hell, who wouldn't want a phoenix for a pet, but are phoenix 'evil' in the Ponyverse or something? Why does it need to be taught to be a 'pony'?

What I learned from this episode:

• The Ponyverse continues to expand with its crazy/darker side. It seems all manner of mythical creatures may exist, we've seen Minotaurs, Cerberus, and now Phoenix.
• It's hard to tell if all dragons are douchebags or just the teenagers seen in this episode. Spike of course thinks the teenage douchebags represent all dragons, and decides to just be a 'pony.'
• I highly doubt it will ever be covered, but there seriously has to be a lot more going on 'behind the scenes' in the Ponyverse. Wars, great evils, etc.