Secret of My Excess

Dear Princess Luna...

So we start off immediately being shown more extremely useful uses for magic: lighting candles, closing curtains, and pulling books from shelves, levitating said books and have them parade around the room in an orderly line, and plucking individual books out of this parade to place back on the shelves or for future study.

And at the End of Days, ponies shall create flames from nothingness.

My own personal library is actually in quite the state of disarray at the moment, a spell such as this would be pretty rockin' to have.

I believe we are finally shown the first downside to magic, Spike breaks Twilight's concentration and sends all the books plummeting to the floor. I suppose the nature in which they cast most spells would make them more like 'channeled' spells, making them vulnerable to interruption. Twilight is also still learning magic, I think, so that may also be the cause.

Spike, gol darn ya, you were on my good side at the start of this episode, and already you're headed towards that Tortoise's level. Cease and desist!

Spike is one sad little dragon. Skeptical that his friends would get him a gift for his birthday, he decided to grow his own fire ruby to give to himself. He then proceeds to slip on one of the books he caused to end up on the floor, nearly destroying the gem. He then reveals he has tried to convince Twilight to stop using the bookshelves and just use the floor, much to her disgust.

Don't look into it, lest your soul be trapped forever inside this infernal gem.

Rarity enters, showcasing the extreme usefulness of magic by using it to turn the doorknob, and immediately is drawn to Spike's fire ruby. Spike reveals that he plans to eat this gem, and the thought of that leaves Rarity in a state of consternation. I'm not entirely sure what usage gems have in the Ponyverse, but them being a food source does seem a bit bizarre.

"Hmm, I should ask Twilight if I can borrow 'How to Slay a Dragon', for fashion inspiration, of course..."

Spike apparently crafted or acquired a chest that perfectly stores his fire ruby. You can see the wheels start to turn in Rarity's mind, and Spike ends up giving her his birthday gift he has been working on for months. Rarity displays yet another use for magic, parading around her new trophy. In thanks, she kisses Spike on the cheek, the Kiss of Death apparently, as he collapses as a barrage of hearts floats from his lifeless corpse.

Hmm, pretty sure I questioned whether Rarity was a gold digger on an earlier episode. This isn't helping her case.

Twilight comments that this was one of the kindest, most generous things Spike has ever done, while Spike vows to never wash his cheek (where Rarity kissed him) ever again.

It must skip ahead a week or so, as Twilight would seem to be setting up Spike's birthday party. More uses for magic: setting up a punch bowl and cups, stirring the punch, and giving a washcloth to a dirty dragon.

And here we have Patient Zero for the great Draco-Unicorn Plague of 1917

I believe Rarity is supposed to be considered attractive as far as ponies go, but damn, Spike. Since she is a unicorn, you better hope her magical nature doesn't cause that to come to life and start telling you to commit crimes or something.

Okay, Twilight is awesome. She decides to end the threat of the Draco-Unicorn Plague, and/or a creepy second mouth whispering evilly in Spike's ear, by chasing him around with the washcloth (using magic of course). He tries to run away but she uses her teleportation power to 'bamf' him back.

Somehow Pinkie Pie arrives and provides the necessary distraction that allows Twilight to clean up Spike.

The rest of the 'Mane 6' is revealed to also have been in the room. One must wonder if Rarity ever saw Spike's cheek since that day he gave her the fire ruby, since it is around a week later, and what she thought of it if so.

The ponies present Spike with gifts, and he seems really confused that they were for him. Rainbow Dash decided to give him a weight that looks about as big as him, and I'm not sure if he could even lift it with his arms. They were also giving him his presents in a big stack, Rainbow put on her gift and Spike and his gifts were sent to the ground. Applejack's box looks pretty damaged. Nice job, Rainbow!

"Wow! Just what I always wanted, damaged boxes! Thanks guys!"

Rainbow asks why Spike looks confused, questioning whether he knows you get presents on your birthday, avoiding the fact he might look a bit upset that his presents were smashed already, because of her.

Spike says this is his first birthday in Ponyville, and that previously the only gifts he got were books from Twilight. So not only was Twilight some horrible pariah, her pet/slave/servant/friend/whatever was also, probably due to being a known associate of her.

"Hmm, now where did I leave 'How to Slay a Dragon'..."

Twilight seems angered and embarrassed that Spike criticized her gifts, and that she was so predictable that she would be giving him another book. Hey, don't look a gift-pony in the mouth, Spike! You should be grateful she cares enough about you to even celebrate your birthday, let alone get you a gift, and did you really need to mock books? Twilight seems to be all about books, I'm sure she selected some awesome books for you, ya ingrate!

Some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food. The only thing I'm hunting for, is an outfit that looks good... See my gem, see my gem in setting-femme!

Inspired by Spike's generosity, Rarity plans to make some clothing for her friends. Spike seems to be having some remorse about giving it away, but that very quickly fades as he enjoys some nuzzle time with Rarity.

Well, Rainbow's gift may have helped cause Applejack's gift box to get FUBAR'd, but it was just a blanket so it's all good. Aww, Spike really appreciated his gifts and party. He laments that his party will have to end, Pinkie tells him that the Cake's have a special surprise for him, then is confused when Spike charges down the street towards their store.

Okay,maybe gems are a delicacy in the Ponyverse, or it's just Spike/dragons that eat them, as the Cake's surprise is a sapphire studded cupcake.

Well, it would probably kill you, but it does look good.

Spike is so happy the way his birthday is turning out, probably a farcry from his old Canterlot days where people threw rotting fruits and vegetables at him and Twilight, and in his joy he smashes into some pony carrying groceries. He catches his cupcake with a frog-like tongue.

Instead of putting the cupcake down to help the pony, Cherilee?, he smashed into, he decides the best option is to just cram the whole thing into his mouth. Spike explains to Cherilee about it being his birthday, and she says she's sorry that she doesn't have a gift for him. Suddenly she has an epiphany and pulls a pimp hat for Spike out of her grocery bag. Yep, that is what really happened.

I'm the Mack Daddy of Heimlich County, I tell ya hwhat.

Spike is shocked, and is told that 'every pony should get fun gifts on their birthday.' If I recall, this show replaces things like '-one' '-body' with pony, aka everypony, anypony, but still, you're talking to a dragon and using that, it sounds a bit odd. Secondly, why exactly did Cherilee buy a pimp hat? The world may never know.

Spike starts putting two and two together. Pinkie told the Cakes it was his birthday and they hooked him up, he told Cherilee and she gave him his magic Pimp Hat of Charisma +1.

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

Spike immediately decides to use his birthday for evil. His first wicked deed: acquiring a ball from a pony named Lickety Split. Gloating over his first step into a life of crime, Spike spies a pony drinking from a fountain and moves in for the grift. At this point, it seems clear Spike is just trying to extort for the sake of extorting, as I doubt he was interested in flowers. It was a pony sort of bent over, and he speed rushed to her rear.. I'm just sayin'.

Twilight comes and uses her magic to tug Spike by his ear..thing and apologizes to his mark.Twilight scolds Spike for demanding gifts, he quickly apologizes and says he will bring back the gifts. As soon as Twilight is out of sight, the pimp hat goes right back on his head, with a villainous laugh.

Better put out an APB for the Ponyville Pervert.

Twilight wakes up after tossing and turning, and sees Spike sleeping in a pile of loot. She uses her magic to remove it... uh oh! Little Spike is growing up.

Beat him with his own pimp cup.

Spike and Twilight are confused. He rips off his pimp hat and throws it on the ground, thinking it is the source. Hmm, didn't I tell you to stop being an ingrate earlier? Spike looks around and sees the library in a new light, and decides all the objects would look better thrown onto his heap o' loot.

Spike finds his arms are longer, allowing him to steal items he wouldn't have been able to yesterday.I see now, Rainbow went to a psychic or something to pick out her gift, because now that weight she gave him makes sense, since he can actually use it.

Twilight brings Spike to a doctor's, and has to constantly give him a smack so he won't steal things. He makes some feeble attempts at the bowl of lollipops, then focuses on tongue depressors. Really, Spike? Apparently this doctor wasn't top of his class, as he proclaims the problem is that Spike is, get this, a dragon. He then recommends Twilight take Spike to a vet instead. As Twilight is distracted, Spike is meanwhile stealing as many lollipops as he can.

The vet is almost as useless, not knowing anything about dragons, but she at least shows that Spike will behave like a dog if you pet him right and offer him a treat. It's shown that not only was Spike stealing lollipops, he just stole the whole bowl.

Next, Twilight tries bringing him to what looks like a zebra witch doctor, who states the obvious that Spike is starting to mature.

The Draco-Pony Plague has claimed its first victims.

Alright, so the zebra actually knows what's up. Dragons in the Ponyverse are similar to dragons in other IPs, they are greedy and want more and more. Since Spike decided to exort his friends and neighbors, he triggered his inner dragon, which results in growth and more desire to acquire objects. As Twilight and the zebra are talking about how to save Spike from himself, he steals everything he can from the zebra's hut.

Back in Ponyville, Spike has decided he wants some little pony's scooter. Somehow, this little pony and her friends are stronger than Spike as he struggles to wrest it from their grasp. Twilight comes to the rescue, using her magic to entice Spike with a broom instead. Instead of just giving it to him, she decides to sent it flying into the air, sending Spike into a rage and prompting another growth spurt.

Twilight leads him back to her home. Spike is so big he gets stuck in the doorway but forces himself through, and  she tries to lock him in a side room. She opens the door and is annoyed that he took all the books down into a 'hoard' to rest on. She uses her magic to steal them away and closes the door again, only to be alarmed moments later as Spike just smashes through the outside wall, Kool-Aid Man style.

"Hmm, maybe bringing this rampaging monster back to my home wasn't such a good idea..."

Spike has apparently stolen not only all of the apples from Applejack's orchard, but the trees' leaves as well. Don't the ponies eat these apples? Did Spike just cause a famine? Applejack seems to be taking the whole thing pretty well, laughing as Twilight asks for her help in lassoing Spike.

Oh, no! I've seen that look before, Applejack, you better watch your back.

Spike runs past with an armful of leaves and apples, Applejack gets serious. Lassoing Spike apparently meant both of them running with a rope between them, and their plan fails miserably.

"All wrapped up like present. Spike like presents..."

I believe this episode is actually after Mysterious Mare Do Well, so it seems like they are having a bit of continuity here. Applejack and Twilight yell for help, and Rainbow was flying around and arrives to save the day. Fluttershy's scream interrupts Rainbow's laughter at Applejack and Twilight's predicament. Spike has struck at her home as well and stole her chicken coop to use as a giant container for his ill-gotten goods.

Another scream, Spike is now attacking Pinkie Pie. She foolishly tries to fight him off by throwing baked goods at him. He catches them and adds them to his stash. At least Twilight can see the folly in this, and when Spike takes even more cakes, Pinkie rages about it. Spike grows even larger and is now about the same size as a Ponyville building.

Who let Twilight keep this thing as a 'pet'?

Twilight says "Who knows where he'll go next?" Hmm, he's already been to Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash is with them, that would leave Rarity. Yep. I do believe we have a King Kong reference here as the dolled up Rarity sees Spike's humongous eye in her window, then gets grabbed.

Welcome to the jungle baby, you're gonna die.

Seriously, who decided a DRAGON would be the proper pet/slave/assistant/whatever for Twilight? I could see it being fine in Canterlot, as we know they have an actual military force there. I haven't seen hide nor hair of any Ponyville militias or law enforcement.

Spike decides to steal a cart, and is puzzled when it can't fit in his chicken coop. He then decides to steal a water tower to hold his loot. Rainbow and Fluttershy attempt to negotiate Rarity's release, resulting in a sort of good cop-bad cop deal. Not only does this fail, it also results in Rarity's new cape being destroyed.

Hmm, a group of pegasus fly in and Rainbow calls them the Wonderbolts. I guess this may be the military/LE force for the area. In another King Kong homage, Spike decides to climb a mountain to escape from the Wonderbolts..which can fly.

"I knew that if an enemy pilot started firing early, well outside the maximum effective range of his guns then he was an easy kill. But, if a pilot closed in and held his fire, and seemed to be watching the situation, then you knew that an experienced pilot was on you."

I was kind of questioning what exactly the Wonderbolts would be able to do to stop Spike. Apparently they are equipped with some kind of buzz saw and plan on slicing Spike into ribbons.

Good morning, Mr. Zip Zip Zip, with your hair cut just as short as mine!

Spike dumps his loot into a cavern, then uses the water tower to intercept the Wonderbolt's next strafing run, trapping them inside then smashing the tower onto the mountain's side.

Rarity has had enough, and lets loose her anger upon Spike.

Rarity is so mad she rips her own clothes off.

As Rarity is yelling at him, Spike notices the now-exposed fire ruby, in a twist of the earlier event now Spike is lusting after it, sort of. He mostly just seems to stare at it, but Rarity takes it the wrong way. Rarity tells him he can't have it, because it was given to her by her Spikey Wikey, the kindest, sweetest, most generous dragon ever, and is too precious for a greedy old beast like him. This sends Spike into a flashback of him giving it to Rarity, which results in Spike transforming back to his old self.

Somehow, Rarity didn't know this was Spike. As Spike and Rarity plummet towards their deaths, Rainbow and Fluttershy burst into action to save them, using the piece of Rarity's cape that was ripped off earlier.

Aww, Spike tries to tell Rarity he has always had a crush on her, but she silences him, with tears in her eyes.

"I love you!" "I know."

Rainbow and Fluttershy save them, of course. Fluttershy seems kind of surprised they were successful. I suppose there is a precedent for failure in this episode though. Twilight and Applejack failed at their lassoing attempt. Fluttershy and Rainbow failed to talk Spike down. The Wonderbolts failed to stop Spike.

Is Rarity going to be upset that the remains of her cape are in their mouths, or just glad she is alive?

The great heroes reduced to a huddled, quivering mass? Spike: 1 Wonderbolts: 0

Spike sits in stunned silence, looking out at all the destruction he caused. In Rarity's twisted view, Spike is her hero because he ended up stopping his own rampage. She kisses him again as his reward.

Spike writes his own letter to the Princess about how he learned 'tis better to give than receive. Rarity followed through with her desire to make capes for all her friends. Descending to new levels of depravity, Spike has now put a little picture frame around the smooch mark Rarity left on his cheek.

Aww, look how much thought and effort Rarity puts into her work, designing each cape to try and match her friends' personalities/preferences.

What I learned from this episode:

• Spike will probably never have another birthday party ever again. Or if he does, the only gifts he gets will be things he made for himself, or some lame self-help book about hoarding Twilight finds for him and gives every year.
• I'm not sure if my previous assessment of Spike was that far off. His nature as a dragon is to be this greed-filled thief, which truly is just the worst kind of person. Considering this episode is before the Wedding ones, you'd think they would have been a little more upset that he stole those cake toppers.
• If the Wonderbolts are Equestria's Air Force, that might explain why the Changelings were able to completely swarm Canterlot. A dragon rampages through one of the towns and they only dispatched 3 ponies, which were mostly ineffective and easily thwarted.