The Cutie Pox

Dear Princess Luna..

Perhaps a chance that it is not, but I'm pretty sure it's another Cutie Mark Crusaders focused episode, as it starts off with Applebloom proposing they get their marks via bowling, in addition to the 'Cutie' in the episode title.

I'm actually really curious to see what Ponyverse bowling is going to look like. One giant hoof hole? Bowl with their mouths? Kick it? Or of course, Unicorns would just use magic.

Applebloom is dead set that they'll all get their marks for bowling, and apparently they will cease to be Crusaders when they do finally get their marks. Well, hmm. Ponyville Confidential is way after this episode, so SPOILERS I guess we know none of them end up with their marks.

They chose the name 'The Bowling Dolls,' but clearly should have picked Stoneskulls or something as you see them headbutting bowling balls.

Well, I was wrong, sort of. The Unicorn Crusader, Sweetie Belle if I recall, didn't use magic and instead just pushed it with her head, going right into the gutter. The Pegasus Crusader, Scootaloo, kicked it, sending the ball flying around the alley. And the Earth Pony Crusader, Applebloom, used her mouth.

Once again, there's a shot of Scootaloo's rear in the introductory bit.

Another kid pony got his cutie mark for getting a strike, Applebloom thought the crowd was cheering for her, but her ball hadn't even reached the pins. When it did, it was going so slow it bumped into the lead pin then stopped dead in its tracks.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, foiled yet again.

After their latest failure, Applebloom is clearly down in the dumps. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo try to cheer her up by getting her a cupcake, a party from Pinkie Pie, and a hat from Rarity. None of this has any effect, and Applebloom walks off into the forest, which is full of evil if I recall. Her friends don't even try to stop her, although maybe they ran off to get an adult for help. Applebloom walks straight towards a cliff, trips on a root and flies off, chipping her tooth.

She runs into Zecora the zebra, who I believe has had some mostly small roles in a couple episodes I've seen. I'm not sure how old the Crusaders are meant to be, but presumably they still have many years ahead of them, and Applebloom thinks she won't have her mark until she is as old as Granny Smith.

Zecora starts mixing a potion and Applebloom, still raging about having no mark, causes her to drop an entire bottle of an ingredient in.

It's a drink that you don't pour, you take one sip, you won't take anymore, if you're small as a beaver, or big as whale: BOOM! Atomic Cocktail.

Zecora is strangely calm about wasting all that ingredient and having something explode in her face. She scoops out a bowl of it for Applebloom, and it fixes her tooth. I'm not one to disparage Unicorns, but I think their magic is mostly classic Wizard spells, while Zebra(?) magic seems to have healing 'spells' so score one for Zebras I guess. Well, actually, Evil Princess Cadence was using magic to heal Shining Armor, allegedly, but I don't know if that was Unicorn magic.

Not as cool as most Unicorn uses for magic, but still pretty awesome.

Applebloom stares around Zecora's hut and notices she has healing tonics for all matter of ailments. She hints for Zecora to give her some some crazy cutie mark generating potion, but Zecora says there is no such thing and time is the only remedy. Zecora then starts making a potion for a rooster, using a flower called heart's desire.

Zecora must be really dumb/oblivious, or she wants whatever horrible thing that is about to occur happen.

Sometime later at their school, Applebloom shows up, and has a cutie mark.

"Hey Scootaloo, do you ever think, maybe, just maybe, we spend too much time staring at each others backsides?"

No one can figure out what it is, except Applebloom who calls it a 'loop-de-hoop.' Diamond Tiara and whoever Diamond Tiara's friend is roll up and start talking trash. Applebloom is actually quite skilled with this thing, basically a hula hoop, and leaves even the two bratty fillies with their eyes popped and jaws dropped.

"Th-that's just a rain barrel hoop! I'm wearing a tiara worth a gajillion times what that cost, and she gets the attention?!"

Cherilee demonstrates once again that they need to fire her, as she comes out seemingly enraged at Applebloom, then snaps back to cheery mode and has Applebloom show them all her loop-de-hoop skills.

I guess hula hoops don't exist in the Ponyverse, as the entire class starts playing with loop-de-hoops, and some struggle to use them.

"This is a lot of bunk!" "Yeah! I'm gonna get daddy to buy out all the coopers then melt down all the barrel hoops!"

All the other ponies struggle to just spin(?) the things around their waist, Applebloom shows off more of her advanced skills, further enraging Diamond Tiara and friend. Okay, this actually makes sense as this episode comes before Family Appreciation Day, so this showboating is probably what Diamond Tiara's vendetta is about.

"Just you wait, I'm gonna humiliate your Granny, make your sister lose the rodeo and move away, and make you lose the cider business and your farm to traveling unicorns! Hah!"

As Applebloom shows off some crazy trick where she can spin it on her tail fast enough to get airborne, another cutie mark appears. Diamond Tiara doesn't hesitate and seizes the moment, ridiculing Applebloom and calling her cutie marks fake.

"I told you! So's your old man! Oh, wait, you don't have a daddy like me!"

Diamond Tiara asks Cherilee if she's ever heard of a two-cutie mark pony, Cherilee says no, but maybe Applebloom just has two talents. The other mark is for 'plate spinning,' they throw some plates and sticks at Applebloom and to everyone's shock/delight, Appleblook spins them on her nose(?). Cherilee brings them into Ponyville to show off Applebloom's talents. As before, she performs lots of crazy stunts with the hoop and plates. Including throwing the hoop at Rainbow, asleep on a cloud, and throwing it at Twilight's face, making her have Rarity's manestyle, somehow.

Rarity really seems to like it.

I'm really not sure how this whole thing works with the marks, and offhand I forget what I may have learned from past episodes. They're supposed to represent your talent, and we know Applebloom did the loop-de-hoop stuff beforehand. Was she spinning plates too, because Applejack throws a bunch of plates and a pie into the air and Applebloom is able to cut up the pie and serve it on the plates with frightening efficiency.

Which also raises the question, why aren't they just born with their marks? I know I covered it before, but there's also the whole 'named before their marks aka talent is shown' (and generally the mark/talent matches the name). Marks wise, I'd imagine it's a safety precaution, so unscrupulous ponies don't kill their kids when they see 'pipe smoking' mark instead of 'bags of money' mark.

Later that night, Applebloom's family is congratulating her back at the farm. I was questioning what Applebloom's hoop talent was to be for, and almost suggested 'rodeo' but I second guessed myself, since I had seen the rodeo episode and it all seemed to be more 'normal' rodeo events. Anyway, Applejack says Applebloom is ready for the rodeo circuit.

That night, Applejack is awoken by some noise. She investigates and finds Applebloom tap dancing, with a 3rd cutie mark. She is also still plate spinning and spinning the hoop, so looks like Zecora's curse has taken effect.

Aww, she has apple pillow covers.

Perhaps continuing the disturbing trend of episodes where a 'mane 6' member gets mercilessly beaten, Applejack tries to help Applebloom and gets smacked in the face with the hoof, slammed into the ground repeatedly then hurtled away. Applejack gives up and brings Applebloom to Twilight's for answers.

Twilight just happened to have read something about unusual equine illnesses. I don't think I've mentioned it previously, but yet another super useful use for magic: reading books lightning fast. It may just be Twilight's ability, but she uses magic to do it anyway, flipping through the pages really fast while also reading through it all.

It turns out Applebloom has the 'cutie pox' or something to that effect, so yeah, Zecora totally let Applebloom get jacked up it looks like. In the 'Paleopony' era it affected a group of ponies, forcing them to do whatever talents the marks show, and has no known cure.

Couldn't they easily get rid of the one on the tail? Just cut away the hair?

Spike had remembered the book's name and location and for that was given the priveledge of riding on Twilight's head/flank. Spike makes a joke about 'saying that 10 times fast' after Twilight reads about the only known cutie pox outbreak, and she sends him flying into a wall.

Twilight Sparkle Productions Presents: Dragon Getting Hit By Twilight: *DOINK* "Oww, my groin!"

A Fleur-de-lis cutie mark appears on Applebloom, and she begins speaking in French, or 'fancy' according to Applejack/the Ponyverse. Applejack says they 'need some pony to mix up a cure' and Twilight says 'not some pony, some zebra!' so either healing potions are exclusive to zebras, or Zecora is just the only alchemist/shaman they know.

On the way there, Applebloom gets a 5th mark, a chisel and hammer. She makes a statue.

Those ponies look pretty disturbed by the statue.

She then gets a chimney sweeping mark, accordion mark, chess mark, lion tamer mark, fencing mark, tight-rope walking mark, hang gliding mark, and a mathematics mark. While she was performing these talents, ponies were talking about how she was cursed. Spike, who was also eating a bag of popcorn while this was going down, casually tells them it's not a curse, it's just some disease with no known cure.

"I mean, yeah, I'm a dragon so I'm pretty sure I can't get it, but good luck to you guys."

All the ponies freak out and run into their homes. Zecora strolls up and thinks they are hiding from her. Twilight and Applejack are surprised, and Applejack asks if her 'zebra sense' was tingling. Zecora says it wasn't her 'zebra sense' (which I guess means that is a thing?) but that Applebloom totally stole that heart's desire flower and she had to come get more.

"You accusin' my kin of stealin'? I've kilt ponies fer less!"

Applebloom has picked up a weightlifting mark and a window washing mark. As she washes the windows, the ponies inside are terrified and somehow whip out hazmat suits. Zecora, conveniently, has a cure (hmm, almost like she wanted Applebloom to get FUBAR'd, perhaps to teach her patience?) which is some crazy thing involving seeds of truth, which of course Zecora conveniently was carrying around with her.

The seeds must be planted and have the truth told. Applebloom gains another mark, tornado, and starts rapidly spinning. None of the ponies want to tell the truth, except Pinkie Pie, who is obviously hiding things. She blurts out that she ate way more corn cakes than she said, nothing happens, then she freaks out, yelling 'Make it stop!' so who knows how many, many, many, more lies Pinkie has secreted away.

Applebloom admits she stole the flower and that the marks are all fake. The flower grows, she doesn't even wait, and just eats it. All the marks are removed, Applebloom apologizes for lying and stealing. Twilight suggests she write to Princess Celestia. Applebloom writes something about how waiting for your heart's desire can be hard, but shortcuts don't work because you didn't earn it, and the only thing to do is to be honest with yourself and others.

Applejack comments that Applebloom must have finally learned some patience. Obviously not, as the Crusaders immediately embark on another adventure to try and get their marks. This time, they are going to try potion making, since Applebloom managed to make a cutie pox potion.

"You're dead to me."

What I learned from this episode:

• The Cutie Mark Crusaders will probably be super happy, yet disappointed when they finally get their marks. It will likely be for some mundane thing they've been doing, like Scootaloo using her wings to do crazy scooter stunts, which means it was just some kind of Ponyverse 'fate' trolling them.
• Once more, a little more evidence that the Ponyverse isn't all sugar sweet and happiness, the fact that there are bizarre plagues. Considering Applebloom was able to make this plague, we can only assume that Zebras were responsible for the first outbreak. Perhaps they were at war, since entire cities of ponies forced to do whatever crazy talents that show up would likely make for an easy conquering.
• Zecora is not to be messed with. She has 'zebra sense', can vanish into thin air, and mix up all manner of foul brew that will completely ruin your day.