A Bird in the Hoof

Dear Princess Celestia (CC: Princess Luna)...

Yep, writing in daytime again. I don't feel well, and it's hot out. =[

This is almost surely going to be a Fluttershy episode based off the title. Sure looks like it, as my video loads and it starts at Fluttershy's house.

Well, this is why I usually do these things at night. Someone is firing up a chainsaw and other power tools outside. =[ Alright I got a transcript of the episode, turns out this is the one episode I actually saw a good chunk of on TV a while ago where, SPOILERS, Fluttershy kidnaps this bird from Celestia and tries to make it better. I didn't watch the whole thing though.

Alright, it has quieted down enough so that I can actually hear something. Fluttershy is Fluttershy'ing around with a mouse in a cast and a wheelchair. Angel, her cruel pet rabbit, rushes in with a watch. Fluttershy finally realizes he was telling her she was late, late for a brunch with Princess Celestia. She panics, leaves, runs back to thank Angel, repeats until he shuts and locks the door.

"Oh no! Twilight is going to be mean to me!"

Sugar Cube Corner, aka the Cake's bakery, is where this brunch is going down. Two royal guards are on post outside, Rainbow Dash tries to ask them how to enlist in the royal guards and if the pay is good. Like the British palace guards. they stand resolute and ignore her.

Like tourists in almost every thing ever, Rainbow tries to mess with them.

Rainbow gets bored and flies back inside. Fluttershy arrives and tries to walk in, the guards suddenly spring into action, extending their wings to bar her path.

Fluttershy doesn't even identify herself and just gives up and leaves.

Twilight happens to wander past the door and sees Fluttershy walking away, and tells the guards she is on the list. Inside, Spike is helping make creme brulee or something, using fire breath to scorch the dishes. The Cake's are trying to make sure the Princess is content. This is apparently going to be the first time Celestia has spent any real time with Twilight's friends.

Rarity is wearing her Gala dress from The Best Night Ever, and is going nuts, worried it will get ripped or stained. Applejack is trying to eat, but doesn't know the proper order to eat them in and just gives up.

"It's not fair! There was time now!"

Fluttershy tries to make Twilight feel better about her friends less-than-perfect manners, when Pinkie Pie bounces onto the scene. Among other things, she slams a pie onto her face, sticks her entire head in a chocolate fountain, then eats a cupcake Celestia was preparing to eat, snatching it right out of her magic field.

"There's food all over, but I want the one the Princess is about to eat!"

The Cakes are mortified and drag Pinkie away, replacing the Princess' cupcake and teacup. They then keep filling her cup after she drinks it, until she trolls them and pretends to drink, causing tea to spill all over.

"Gotcha! Now clean up this mess, knaves."

Celestia starts talking to Fluttershy, saying she had heard from Twilight how Fluttershy enjoys tending to woodland creatures. Behind her is a golden bird cage, and Philomena, the Princess' pet, is seen looking terrible and coughing.

"Isn't she just marvelous?"

Fluttershy is of course concerned about Philomena. A guard pony whispers something in Celestia's ear, and she informs them she has to cut the party short. Twilight spits out her tea upon hearing this.

"And you said our friends had bad manners, Twilight. Humph."

The Cakes immediately start cleaning up, taking away the food that Applejack was about to eat. Pinkie cartwheels out the door, smashing into departing ponies. Rarity backs her way out, threatening the crowd so her dress doesn't get messed up. Twilight talks to Spike, glad no disasters happened. It then cuts to Philomena's cage, which Celestia left behind, and she is gone.

Philomena was of course taken by Fluttershy, who can't resist helping her, and is doing it as a favor to the Princess. The bird can't even support its own head, or doesn't want to, and Fluttershy puts her in bed. She tucks her into the covers and takes her temperature, she is burning up, she pulls off the covers and puts an ice pack on her head, she is freezing. This repeats until the thermometer breaks and Fluttershy decides medicine is necessary.

Shouldn't she try and identify what exactly this thing is before messing with it? She already said it was like nothing she had ever seen before, and it obviously has some crazy thing with it where its super sensitive to temperatures.

She tries to hide that massive pill under bird seed. Philomena eats it all but leaves the pill. Next, Fluttershy makes homemade soup. Philomena doesn't want it, and ends up eating mouse food instead. Fluttershy brings in a 'fellow feathered friend' to cheer her up.

Hummingway, the hummingbird we saw in May the Best Pet Win?

Fluttershy tries to get Philomena to sing, and she just throws up in her face. Somewhere around here is when I stopped watching when I saw it on TV. Next, she brings Philomena to the bathroom to set up a humidifier and try to clear up Philomena's cough. Fluttershy gets really excited as Philomena takes a deep breath...then coughs.

"Breathe, damn you, breathe!"

Fluttershy isn't giving up. She tires aromatherapy, fails. A warm bath, fails spectacularly, and proves that maybe, just maybe, Fluttershy ought to know what exactly Philomena is before trying to treat her.

The birth of Philomena the Hutt

Ointment fails about as bad as the bath, as Philomena has an allergic reaction. Fluttershy decides the only thing left to do is to tape Philomena's feathers back on.

"Dear Princess Celestia: Philomena's plane was shot down over the sea of Cloppan, it spun in. There were no survivors."

Twilight kicks in Fluttershy's door and strolls in, thanking her for making a good impression. She loses it when she sees Philomena.

Hmm, at this point I think I've seen enough of Celestia's behavior to presume that she left Philomena there on purpose, since she clearly knew all about Fluttershy's love for animals, just to mess with them.

Twilight freaks out at Fluttershy, telling her it was wrong to just take Philomena regardless of her intentions, and that they might be able to return her before any pony notices she is missing. She magic's open the door, and finds two royal guards glowering outside.

"Twilight Sparkle, we have come for your head."

"Spike, you've killed us!"

The guards say they were told they could find Twilight Sparkle at Fluttershy's. Who told them? Celestia? I'm guessing Twilight told Spike where she was headed, and he told them, though.

"Uh, everything's under control. Situation normal."

Anyway, the guards say Philomena is missing. Philomena, in a basket on Flutterrshy's back, starts coughing, and Twilight and Fluttershy start coughing continuously to try and cover it up. Twilight pushes the two guards out, then is astonished as Fluttershy is moving to return the pet.

"Do you have any idea what she is going to do to us?!? I've seen her library, her favorite book is To Serve Ponies, it's a cook book!"

I remember those guards coming when I saw it on TV, so shortly after this bit must be where I left off. We get some details on Equestria's punishments.

First is banishment, which we already know of thanks to Twilight. Or they might be put in a dungeon, or banished, then put in a dungeon wherever they are banished to.

How are criminals treated in your land? "They are banished. Or imprisoned in a dungeon. Or banished, then imprisoned." How odd. In the Order, they are just executed.

They agree to bring back Philomena once they make her better. Twilight decides to take matters into her own hooves, telling Fluttershy to stop being a pushover and sometimes you need to use tough love.

"Mary Worth powers, activate!"

She forces Philomena to eat her medicine, puts a cone around her head so she can't rip out her feathers, puts her in a cage under a cloth to try and make her go to sleep, and then forces her to eat that soup Fluttershy made.

Twilight's use for magic: forcing people to eat food they don't want.

As Twilight opens the cage to force-feed her the soup, Philomena flees. We then get a Benny Hill chase scene with Yakety Sax-esque music. Twilight and Fluttershy try in vain to catch Philomena, and the guards are also seen searching.

"I'm not the bird you're looking for." "You're not the bird we're looking for." "Move along." "Move along! Move along!"

Rainbow sees them running, thinks they are in a race, invites herself to join then flies off. They arrive at the Ponyville fountain where Pinkie, Rarity, and Applejack were hanging out. Philomena appears on top of the statue. Her last feather falls out and after some dramatic death throes she falls off.

"Don't cry for me. I'm already dead."

Fluttershy rushes to catch her. (The two Unicorns, at least, in the area don't bother using magic...) Philomena bursts into flames as she falls and ends up a pile of ash.

"She's just a little incinerated, we can rebuild her!"

Celestia arrives and demands to know what is going on. Fluttershy and Twilight go back and forth on who's fault it is. Pinkie interrupts, saying she did it, then Fluttershy finally takes the blame, saying she was only trying to help and if she has to be banished and imprisoned, so be it.

Yeah, I think I was right that Celestia left this thing there just to mess with them.

Celestia acts all dramatic, bowing her head for her fallen friend, then suddenly tells Philomena to stop playing around, she's scaring everyone. The ashes rise into the sky and reform into a phoenix.

Awesome.

Fluttershy is confused. Celestia explains that a phoenix is a magical bird that sometimes must shed all its feather and burst into flame so it can be renewed.

"Philomena, fetch me a vole." *Philomena attacks Pinkie Pie* "Huh, so Pinkie's a vole."

 It turns out that Philomena was just messing with Fluttershy. A troll pet to match her troll owner.

"Mairzy dotes and doezy dotes and liddle lambzy divey, a kiddley divey too, wouldn't you?"

Fluttershy is worried that Celestia is going to punish her and asks if she will be banished, put in a dungeon, or banished then put in a dungeon. Celestia asks where she got crazy ideas like that.... Celestia then tells her if she had just asked she would have told Fluttershy that Philomena was a phoenix. Fluttershy says she learned to not just take matters into her own hooves and not to jump to conclusions. Philomena gives her one of her feathers in apology.

She should have given Twilight one too, that would make a badass quill.

Rainbow sees the two stoic guards near the bird cage and gets an idea. She whispers to Philomena and she tickles them with her feathers, making them laugh. The episode ends with everyone laughing.

What I learned from this episode:

• So phoenix are more 'human' than most non-pony animals in the Ponyverse, able to understand 'english' and with a mind of their own.
• Celestia must be getting bored with life and so tries to mess with people as much as she can to provide entertainment, since she's at least 1,000 years old.
• It's good to see this one ended with a pretty nice ending, when I watched the bit on TV the nasty, ill, Philomena was disturbing, and I never got to see the end, until now. =]
• Since Celestia represents the sun, aka light, and owns a phoenix, does that mean phoenix are a 'good' animal, since the light is both a literal and figurative foe of evil? It would also explain why the cruel dragons would be planning to smash phoenix eggs and eat hatchlings, since dragons would definitely fall under 'evil' animals from what we've seen, with the exception of Spike. Hell, even he goes evil though with a little provocation, as seen in Owl's Well or Secret of My Excess.