A Dog and Pony Show

Dear Princess Luna...

Hmm, so this one is before Green Isn't Your Color, looks like two Rarity episodes in a row? Episode starts in Rarity's Carousel Boutique (Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique and magnifique) where Rarity is attaching gems to a secret design. A customer enters and ends up being Sapphire Shores,  the 'pony of pop.'

So in this episode, a big pop star knows Rarity and personally visits her shop. In the next, no one knows of her.

Sapphire knows Rarity's name because Clothes Horse magazine raved about her designs. Sapphire wants a sensational outfit for her Sapphire Shores' Ziegfilly Follies. Wait a minute, I'm pretty sure I captioned something with a line from My Old Iron Cross, specifically one about the 'horse' used for drying clothes. I recognize Ziegfield Follies too, and have at least one song saved from the Follies of 1917-18 or so. I can remember something I've listened to specifically referencing them too, may have been an Eddie Cantor and Jimmy Durante bit, but I think it was something by Billy Murray, That Old Gang of Mine? Anyways, once again the show's writers seem to sync up with my world of early 20th century entertainment.

Rarity has just the thing for Sapphire, that secret outfit she was working on, Sapphire loves it and orders 5 more, even though Rarity said she used her last diamond for it. Rarity looks at her empty gem chest and faints.

What a surprise, Rarity has used her feminine wiles to get Spike to help her find gems. Hmm, is this new? We sort of saw it unintentionally used in The Cutie Mark Chronicles, but Rarity can use magic to find gems underground.

Score another one for Unicorns/magic if we haven't seen it before.

Rarity finds them, Spike has to dig them up, and resist eating them. He uses his tail as a shovel and disturbingly, a jackhammer.They get a big heap of them, Rarity selects one as a gift to Spike and instead of eating it he cherishes it since it was a gift to him from her. Some Gollum-esque creature peaks out from a bush and gets excited about the precious, precious gems.

"Oh, Rarity, I wish I could dig up gems for you forever..."

More of the creatures appear and plot to kidnap Spike, thinking he finds the gems, they see Rarity use her magic and switch targets. Turns out they are Diamond Dogs, and while they too hunt for gems, they now hunt for her. Spike actually starts whooping some Diamond Dog butt, using his tail jackhammer on a DD's tail and temporarily getting the upper hand, trying to buy time for Rarity to escape. She stops to yell back to Spike, and gets caught. The other two dogs (there's 3) regroup and they drag Rarity down some pit.

Next we see the 'mane 5' running/flying in with Spike on Twilight's back. A flashback shows he ran up to them and started spitting out words ("Rarity... woods... jewels... dogs... hole... taken... Save her!") and he finally explains in full what is going on.

"One hole? Well shoot, let's just flood that sucker and get back to what we was doin'!"

They get to where the kidnapping took place, and find a whole field of holes. As they start investigating, the Diamond Dogs start filling in the holes. They try to get down a hole before it gets filled in, but the Dogs are working too fast and the resulting dirt geysers are too strong for the ponies to combat, even Applejack.

Twilight has a 'dream' sequence where she imagines what is happening to Rarity. I didn't get a screenshot of it, but in A Bird in the Hoof, Twilight imagines a dungeon as being Fluttershy's punishment. I'm pretty sure we see the exact same dungeon here, so I think Twilight must have been thrown in one when she was a filly, as it seems to have haunted her. (Damn, just to check I loaded up ABitH and jumped to about where it was thanks to memory, and sure enough...)

So it does look like Twilight got tossed in a dungeon as a kid.

Poor Twilight... =[

Applejack figures they can just dig out the holes. The Diamond Dogs aren't going to lose that easily, and emerge from the dirt to harass the ponies. The ponies are no match for their guerrilla tactics, and end up exhausted and bruised. Twilight could have seized the victory for them, but stupidly didn't use magic at all. (Or I didn't notice it) Twilight has another dream sequence where Rarity is being constantly harassed to find gems and trinkets for the Dogs.

About the hour of sunrise the battle it began;
Before the day was ended, we fought 'em hand to hand.
The horrors of that field did my heart with anguish fill
For the wounded and the dying that lay on Diamond Dog Hill.

Spike has an idea to use a fishing pole and the gem Rarity gave him to get the Dogs. Spike has a dream sequence where he is a buff, tall, badass dragon-knight.

I don't think this is possible for Spike to become, but it would certainly make him a helluva lot cooler if it was.

In Spike's dream, he completely destroys the Diamond Dogs and their dog infantry with his lance and fire breath, saves Rarity and it cuts back to reality as he is about to kiss her. If that is actually what Spike could become in the future, well, that would probably make me re-think my opinion of him, because he would definitely have potential for being badass. Let me reiterate that, Spike. A badass.

"Uh Spike, I like y'all and all, but thanks but no thanks, hon."

Spike's plan actually works, the Dog drags him into the hole. Applejack grabs his tail but even she gets dragged in, Twilight tries to grab her, Rainbow tries to grab her, Fluttershy tries to grab her, and Pinkie grabs Fluttershy just to play the 'game' they're playing. They get dragged through tunnels, finally falling into a junction of tunnels. There are tunnels everywhere and they can't figure out how to find Rarity, until Spike suggests they must have taken her down the tunnel with the most gems. Spike, not Twilight, suggests copying Rarity's gem spell, she does, and we see that magical potential that Celestia saw in her, as her version of Rarity's spell illuminates all the gems nearby, not just one cluster.

Twilight rocks.

We finally see what the Diamond Dogs are really doing to Rarity, they must have been distracted trying to harass her friends that they are just now getting down to it. They say she is theirs forever, and want her to find gems. She is relieved and finds a heap, they then want Rarity to dig them up. Rarity has had a 'ponypedi' and doesn't want to chip a hoof, and her method of 'digging' annoys the DD's so much they call in their dog infantry to dig. Since Rarity won't dig, they make her haul a cart for the gems.

Rarity begins annoying all the dogs by criticizing their hygiene and talking non-stop.

"And another thing, you need a new tailor, your clothes are absolutely dreadful."

One of the dogs tell her to stop whining, she claims she was just complaining, then starts whining, which drives the dogs nuts. They plead with her to stop, saying they'll do anything. Rarity abuses that phrase by having them spruce up the caves, haul the gems themselves, and treat her like a princess.

"The water in my golden, gem-studded chalice isn't good enough!"

The leader(?) of the dogs realizes this is dumb, and they hitch Rarity back up. She starts whining, the leader dog doesn't care, smacking her rear and calling her a mule. I've said it before, but as if it wasn't obvious, mules are definitely the butt of jokes in the Ponyverse, as Rarity immediately says mules are ugly, therefore he must think she is ugly.

"It's true, I'm so ugly!"

Rarity collapses in tears. The Dogs try to make her feel better, saying she is still beautiful and pretty, she either doesn't believe them, or is just acting, and keeps crying.

When compiling stuff like The Mane Cast page, I've noticed sometimes I didn't even take screenshots of important stuff. Like I had tons of Twilight rage pics, but had to struggle finding just a plain-jane pic of her. Had to make sure I got one of the Diamond Dogs.

Twilight and co. get closer, hearing Rarity's wails echoing down the tunnels. Dog infantry ambush them and jump onto their bags, putting on bridles and declaring 'More workhorses.' Applejack isn't going down without a fight and starts bucking, telling the others to follow suit.

"Oh, hell no!"

They throw off the dogs and the dogs flee.  They see a 'dungeon door' that looks suspiciously like the one from Twilight's dreams. So was Twilight captured by the Diamond Dogs when she was young, and repressed/had the memory wiped with magic?

"It ain't nothin' for me to whoop a dogs ass! Yeehaa!"

Spike breaks off a stalactite and wield it as his lance, and apparently saved one of the rope bridles to use on Twilight.

"I'll get you for this Spike. You won't know when. You won't know how. But trust me, you will suffer."

Twilight is highly annoyed, but agrees to let Spike live out his fantasy, charging through the door. Inside they see the Diamond Dogs running around screaming. The Dogs surrender to them, and willfully give back Rarity, and let her take wagon loads of gems. The mane 6 hitch up and head home. Rarity reveals she was playing them all along (whether she actually was, or is just acting tough for her friends is unknown).

"Oh? What did I teach you, Twilight? That if you whine and complain enough, you eventually get your way?"

Twilight says she can't wait to write Princess Celestia and tell her about the lesson Rarity taught her, which is: Just because a pony is lady-like, doesn't mean she can't take care of herself. By using her wits, a seemingly defenseless pony can outsmart and outshine them all.

Spike is eating a gem and says now Rarity can make all of Sapphire Shores' outfits. Rarity uses magic to take the half eaten gem out of his hands and scolds him, they all laugh at him as the episode ends.

Really, Rarity? You're going to use a half-eaten gem? Just let the poor guy finish it at least.

What I learned from this episode:

• Not only are there non-'human' dogs (Applejack's pet) but there are 'human' dogs as well. 'Human' dogs that wear clothes and armor and can dig through rocks.
• Twilight is like an Archmage to Rarity's Apprentice in terms of magical prowess.
• Rarity's Cutie Mark was in part for her ability to find gems. It turns out her spell to find them can be easily replicated, and improved, making her less special. Most Unicorns probably closely guard their personal spells (we may never see someone BAMF teleport like Twilight).
• Oh, yes, the Ponyverse gets a little scarier as there is apparently a horde of gem-crazed bipedal dog men somewhere relatively close to Ponyville.